Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Hi Mum, It's Sammy (Clone 69 - Part 2)

Salad, Sam? That is so totally healthy.

It's not that it's healthy. It is that I can't afford anything better tonight. First thing in the morning, I'm going job hunting.

Good luck with that. I hear that times are tough.

I'm not picky, I just need cash.

"Hey, my name is Sam. I was wondering if you heard of any jobs going in town? I've been lots of places already and no luck."

"Hi Sam, I'm Cornelius. I have a gig for a mime as a warm up act at my stage in the park. You have to be in good condition though."

"I'm in pretty good shape but a mime? I'm not interested in that. I want a real job. Regular hours and regular pay."

"Well, good luck looking for other jobs. Just remember me if you don't find anything."

"Just curious, why does your mime have to be in good shape?"

"They need to dodge vegetables thrown on the stage. Hopefully there is nothing left for the audience to throw by the time the main act gets on stage."

Sounds like an exciting career, Sammy.

That sounds painful. I think I'd rather starve first.

Didn't you say just last night that you weren't picky, Sam?


Sammy, are you doing what I think you're doing?

Mum, I tried everywhere. The fire station is volunteers only. The police have plenty of officers. The hospital has more staff than patients. The science lab said I could be a test subject but they seemed to think I'd do it for free. Every place that I tried had no paying jobs.

And so?

Being a mime was the only job offer I had. Even if dodging vegetables does not sound like my idea of fun. So I thought I'd better practice a bit.

I wonder, does this looks as stupid as I think it looks?

You are doing splendidly, Sammy.

I don't think I can count on you as unbiased, Mum. I'm sure that this looks really dumb.

I ... hate ... my ... life! HATE IT! Nothing is going right. I have a tiny hovel. I have a rotten job. I have a son who thinks I'm a loser.

I hate to say this Sam, but Berjes may have a point. Given why you hate your life, can you say you aren't?

Just a few set backs. That's all. I'll get it together soon, you'll see.

Oh, Sammy. [snicker] What on earth is that supposed to be?

Apparently, being a mime wasn't degrading enough. This is the official outfit and the makeup I'm supposed to wear. Cornelius said I'd have to practice a few days before I was ready for the stage.

Poor Sam.

Have I mentioned that I hate my life lately?

"Do you have any idea what that's supposed to be, dear?"

"Not sure. Do you think if we give him some money, he'll leave us alone?"

"Don't encourage it, dear. We'll never be rid of it if we put money in the jar."

I'm trying really hard. Why aren't they more appreciative?

Trying hard doesn't mean you're worth watching, Sammy.

"Watching that new mime is like watching a train wreck. You know it will end badly but you just can't look away."

"I'm glad you warned me. If he's on the bill for the next show, we'll have to find something else to do that day."

Sheesh, it can't be that bad, can it? And just because mimes don't talk, that doesn't mean we can't hear!

Sammy, the casino? Again? What are you thinking?

Mum, I have to get lucky sometime.

Casinos make their millions from people who believe exactly that, Sammy.

Grrr, give me some money back.

If you get money that way, the security guys are going to take it off you. Kicking the machine is definitely not allowed.

Maybe the tables will work better for me.

If you are looking for a quicker way to lose money, I'm sure that's true.

Then again, maybe not. That was a lot of money for our household.

Poor Sam. Going to give it up now?

My luck has to change sometime.

Not looking like a meal made by someone with tons of money.

You have something against mac and cheese. Very yummy this.

And cheap, Sammy. Very cheap.

"Well, Berjes, how was the first day of school?"

"It was ok, I guess. Some of the kids are all right. Teacher is a loser, like you."


"Well, at least mac and cheese is a better dinner than salad, Sam. Does this mean you have a good job?" he dug into his bowl with a will.

"I have a job, yes. Did the teacher give you homework?"

Berjes nodded. "Yes, and I've finished it."

"That's good."

He scowled at me. "Is there anything else to do here? You have no tv, a crappy radio that only gets an oldies station, no books, nothing. I had to do my homework or be bored out of my skull."

I have to agree with the kid, Sam. You really aren't prepared for a child of his age, there is nothing to do.

I know. Guess I'll have to do something about that.


  1. Replies
    1. Indeed. Life is not going well for our dear Sammy.

  2. Poor poor Sam, rocky start but I'm sure he'll get into the groove soon :D

    1. We'll see. Eventually it may get better. Maybe.

  3. I'm sure he'll pull it together. Well, he can at least try to catch the food they throw at him to have something to put on the table.

    1. LOL Nice idea but I think they are bring rotten tomatos so that's not going to be very tasty.

  4. ROFL, i was laughing so loud, I interrupted my daughter's pretty little liars and I got a lecture :/ LOL


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